Having been born with a disability, I’ve been asked for explanations throughout my entire life. A lot of times, people question what kind of condition I have, sometimes even before learning my name. Children in particular, of course, are naturally curious about my lack of abilities and differences, so they often fire a series of inquiries with their embarrassed parents standing by and mouthing apologies to me.
In all honesty, I don’t mind such questioning. As I shared in The Blind Truth, letting people see you for who you are can be liberating and help them to identify with you on a greater level. Most misconceptions have their roots in making assumptions without trying to learn the real story about a subject. Thus, we ought to appreciate opportunities to explain various matters when somebody affords that to us.
What’s always caught me off guard, however, is handling the aspects of my life that I take for granted as normal but may be foreign or even disturbing to others. Usually, they are so natural to me that I don’t go as far as to consider why I do it, just like breathing is to everyone. Because of that, I never think to explain my actions, and it can be unnerving when some draw attention to it. Nonetheless, I do my best to keep my composure and try to explain my reasons.
Even though I may run into this on a heightened scale because of my handicap, I realize everybody goes through similar frustrations. We all do things differently, and unfortunately, our human inclination is to scrutinize those differences. That’s why many of us, myself included, enjoy games that challenge you to spot the differences in a scene. It isn’t hard for us to do so because regardless of how observant we are, we have a knack for zeroing in on things that don’t fit, at least in our mentality.
How should we approach these habits or quirks others manifest that we don’t quite understand, then? Should we avoid all questions so as not to risk offending them? Not if you ask me. Rather, I’d say it’s a case-by-case scenario.
On many occasions, you can discern how willing someone is to share details about themselves without feeling like the other person is prying. A big factor is also the type of concern you have. If it’s a personal matter that could take dignity away from the person, it would be better not to breach the topic. A valid point to debate before you speak is your reason for digging in to begin with. Is it really that important to get to the bottom of or might you appear to just be nosey?
Like conversations themselves, this is a two-sided coin, and from my experience, both sides need to compromise. As I stated earlier, having the chance to give an explanation can be a gift, and it can show genuine care from somebody. We shouldn’t always assume the one asking is being intrusive. Sure, we know some do have a dominant gene for gossip, but we ought not to stick that label on everyone.
Taking the opinion that “I don’t owe anyone an explanation” might benefit us in certain instances, but many times, it backfires and may well cost us a relationship. Instead of taking a stubborn or defensive position, we need to strive to see the person’s good intentions and respond in a way we feel comfortable. If he/she ventures in a sensitive territory, we could kindly deflect it and redirect the exchange.
At low moments in my childhood, my dad drummed a famous quote into me: “For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don’t, no explanation will suffice.” While there may always be some truth in that, my hope—especially for any who read this post—is that when you’re persuaded to ask for an explanation, make it matter. Listen well, and don’t merely discount it if you don’t happen to agree with it. On the contrary, endeavor to use it as a bridge that brings you closer to the one who gives it.
KarinaBartow.com 