One of the highlights this year for me was getting some new photos taken to refresh my website and promotional materials. For the first time, I had them done outside of a studio by a very talented friend who knew me well enough to capture the best of me. I can’t lie; I’m comfortable in front of the camera. Thus, I delighted in wandering through a local park and getting to unleash my sassy side! In fact, a technical glitch afforded us the chance to do it twice!
At one particular setting on the second go-around, we crossed paths with another photographer and a young woman also dressed up for special photos. We didn’t engage, other than trying to stay out of each other’s way, so I’m not sure what occasion or purpose lay behind hers. She might’ve been a graduate, but her white sundress exuded bridal vibes. Around the same area, there was a children’s playground—complete with a carrousel—where a couple was enjoying the evening with their toddler.
Both scenes struck a chord with me because I’ve always yearned to find myself in those scenes. My disability has taken away a lot of opportunities, and for the most part, I don’t clamor to experience them. If I never get to rock climb or run a marathon, I’m totally cool with that! When it comes to having my own family, though, I’ve carried that dream longer and in a deeper place than I’ve esteemed any other pursuit, including writing.
So, did I allow these surroundings to dampen my joy, making me wish I could trade places with these “more fortunate” people? No. Why not?
Along with my faith that I will achieve those goals one way or another, I realized the gifts I had from my lot in life. I’ve accomplished a great deal more than I ever imagined. Reflecting on the very first time I had photos done for my site, I wasn’t sure I’d even need more than a headshot for a single book. Nine years, five books, and a television appearance later, I could have confidence that the shots would be well-utilized.
Even if we don’t have such a resume or achievements under our belt, however, we can still counteract the tendency to mope about our disappointments. As I discussed in The Comparison Conundrum, we all have strengths others may lack. Despite their ability to attain to a status we haven’t, they still could be watching us and wishing they had a certain advantage that we do. We wouldn’t appreciate it if they could only glare at us with envy, would we? Likewise, we’ll contribute to good relations if we dismiss our own jealousy and simply be happy for them.
A vital part of this is fighting the tendency to overlook all that we do have going for us. When you think of the term reality check, it typically evokes a bleak connotation, being a wakeup call to the way things really work as opposed to what we dream up. There’s another type of reality check, though: Appreciating the treasures in your reality. Too many times, what we have becomes a blur in the pursuit of what we want. When that lack of contentment springs up, then, we ought to take that reality check with open eyes and assess whether we can truly say we’re as disadvantaged as we initially thought.
This lesson continued even after the photo shoot itself. I was thrilled with how they turned out, but like most people—especially those of us with a double X chromosome—I’m my own worst critic. I weeded out a few shots because of being critical about one feature or another. Since I offered my family the opportunity to view all of them and request any they wanted, I ended up having to recover a couple that they loved, where I’d deemed my appearance so-so. The comical turn reinforced the fact that we usually allow our perception of our circumstances to be distorted.
Before that day in the park, I went through my share of moments when I gave into allowing those sour grapes to pop out on me. I can’t claim I’ve banished them from ever recurring, either. We’re all prone to feeling a sting, if nothing more, when we notice somebody else living out our dream. Letting that consume us, though, will only tarnish all that we have to enjoy. If we instead invert that image to frame the gifts around us, however, we’ll be left with a picture of contentment.
KarinaBartow.com 