March is Disability Awareness Month and also National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month. I’m not clear on who designates these recognitions, but living with a disability myself—Cerebral Palsy, in fact—I appreciate the visibility they promote.
In my previous post, I discussed the fact that we all have to contend with the highs and lows of being human, regardless of health or other aspects of our background. Along with kindness, a helpful quality to cultivate is understanding. That can be tricky, however, if we have trouble understanding what others are going through and/or make rash judgements that are incorrect.
As highlighted in The Expectation of Explanations, coming to an understanding about someone else can be a juggling act for both parties involved. We may be hesitant to question somebody about a matter we want to understand because we’re afraid to make him/her uncomfortable. On the other side of it, we may not appreciate some questions, either due to it being a sensitive topic or the exasperation of being reminded of how different you are.
In reality, we often struggle to understand ourselves. No matter how old we age, we can still surprise or puzzle ourselves with reactions or feelings about various situations. It’s safe to say everyone has asked themselves from time to time, “Why did I say that? What made me act that way?”
When you live with a disability, there’s an added layer to this, especially if you’re born with it. When you don’t know any other way of being, you don’t always recognize the differences you face when compared with other people. If you have a physical disability like I do, you realize the obvious differences in abilities, but you might have difficulty wrapping your head around the emotional ones that come with it.
For example, I was at a gathering a few years ago, and I felt more overwhelmed than I typically do in such a setting. Crowds had never made me anxious before, as I’ve always loved being at a packed ball game or concert. This was nothing like that, but my stress level was peaking. Granted, it was within a year or so since the pandemic ended, and I reckon that played a part in it.
Even so, I confessed my feelings to a lifelong friend who was there, and she pointed out an element that I go through but don’t think anything about: when I’m in my wheelchair as I was that day, everybody around me is towering over me. The instant she mentioned it, a key clicked into the lock, making me realize that, yes, that contributed a great deal to the way I felt. People were pressing in around me, kindly speaking to me, but the constant carousel of bodies and having to strain to engage with them above me did take a toll.
In many cases, we don’t find somebody who understands a particular situation as easily. As touched on earlier, we might not understand it internally, either, perhaps for years. Where can we find help on those occasions?
We’re usually our own worst critic, and we give more allowances to others than we do ourselves. We can use that to our advantage, though, by trying to take an outside perspective. If we know someone who has similar challenges, we can benefit from asking their thoughts on what we’re encountering. If we’re not acquainted with anybody like that, we might do some research to learn about someone elsewhere. Perhaps they can give us advice on how they manage such difficulties.
Even a fictitious setting can provide insight. A couple of weeks ago, I watched a rerun of a popular show that depicted a handicapped character navigating the same feelings I have in the past. Observing it as an outsider allowed me to appreciate that I wasn’t alone in those emotions and some of the reasons why people like me would react in that manner.
Understanding is a process, both when it comes to understanding others and ourselves. Sometimes, we may have a natural fit, somebody who reads our thoughts and feelings without us having to say anything. In many instances, however, it takes listening and developing insight into a person’s true character…and on the other side, we have to be willing to share that part of ourselves. In the end, those efforts will be worthwhile, as showing understanding can heal aches and pains no other treatment can touch.
KarinaBartow.com 