Anthony Hopkins is quoted as saying, “Guilt is the thief of life.” The words convey how powerful the emotion is and how it can govern somebody’s world.
Just the same, guilt can be a positive emotion and motivator. If a person never manifests guilt, they might be labeled a psychopath, in fact. Psychology Today brings out the benefits of guilt, remarking, “it can provide a strong motivation to apologize, correct or make up for a wrong, and behave responsibly…doing so helps preserve social bonds and avoid harm to others.” The article goes on to highlight the key to making it work for you is to take steps such as apologizing and atoning for mistakes so you can move on without the burden of guilt.
As I shared in Losing Control that You Never Even Had, however, guilt can also sever bonds if it’s not kept in its proper place. Others can take you on guilt trips you neither booked nor in many cases, earned. While this may serve to liberate them from their own guilt—perhaps even momentarily—it usually hurts the relationship in the long run, as it can be likened to tossing the load on your back at someone else.
Even without somebody passing the blame on us, we may fall into the trap of undertaking unnecessary guilt over a matter that we couldn’t control. We often hear the term “survivor’s guilt” in connection with various calamities, but that kind of guilt can result from things beyond shared traumatic experiences. As a disabled individual, I’ve had a couple of loved ones acknowledge that they feel guilty over the abilities they enjoy that I don’t, and I’ve sensed similar feelings in others, especially on occasions that may not come my way.
In truth, I appreciate such empathy and the acknowledgement that my limitations can make me feel left out in certain scenarios. At the same time, such guilt can and has created a wedge between me and that person, especially if it goes unchecked. If someone’s overwhelmed with guilt like that, they might clam up and start avoiding you altogether, compounding loneliness on your end. Worse still, carrying around that unwarranted guilt may hinder a relationship from ever growing or can even turn into pure resentment.
As mentioned at the outset, guilt can stir you to put yourself out for others, either to make up for or prevent a conflict. It’s important, however, not to make guilt your primary motivator. Why? Because it won’t last. Guilt may be the initial impetuous to take certain action, but it’s rarely powerful enough to drive you all the way through due to a lack of genuine desire. Plus, the other person may well discern you’re just acting out of obligation, which can chip away at a relationship, as well.
Guilt is a natural, necessary emotion we’ll all experience at some juncture, and it can produce good results. Much like medication, it may not taste good, but the right dosage under the right circumstances will act as a remedy. If we continue to ingest it when it’s not needed, though, it will cause significant harm and perhaps eat at our relationships with others, especially if we try administrating it to them. Thus, we ought to keep it in its proper place, in a figurative medicine cabinet and reserved for when we need it to promote a healing effect.
KarinaBartow.com 